


Καρδιά της ψυχής σας - Heart of Your Soul

by GabesGurl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-28 18:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GabesGurl/pseuds/GabesGurl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean used to dream of angels and having wings. Now he’s an adult with the threat of Armageddon looming over his head, and he’s about to find out the dreams weren’t as made up as he used to believe. It’s going to change not just his life, but the existence of two others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which things are really messed up

He used to dream of wings. It had been years since he’d had the last dream but he still remembered them in great vivid detail. He supposed it’s part of where his fear of flying in planes came from, it was so unnatural compared to what he had had before.

If he closed his eyes he could almost feel the wind in his feathers, he could almost feel the brush of his wing tips against his calves as he ran. And he remembered the colors of his wings. They were beautiful. Starting at the top in almost a royal blue and fading darker as your eye traveled down. Finally settling into a blue so dark it was almost black.

He was about six when the dreams had started and he would be flying. He was never alone -- that was something that had made the memories of the dreams stay in his head -- he’s felt wanted and treasured for the first time.

He’d dreamed about his wings and his friend, for something, someone. was with him. They’d tenderly stroked his hair and given him hugs. And felt almost…. Big brother. And it was nice, because while he loved his father, John wasn’t one for casual and loving touches. It was nice for someone to be taking care of him for a while. There had also sometimes seemed to be a bright personality just beyond his reach,

He was brought back to the present by the flutter of wings, and glanced up at Castiel. Sighing, he rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows. He stared at the angel for a moment. Sometimes if he stared at Castiel long enough he could almost see… well, he wasn’t sure exactly what he could see, but some kind of light?

“Cas? We’re friends right? Kind of?” he asked softly. He wasn’t often unsure but with this angel he was; he truly had no idea where he stood with the heavenly being most of the time.

“I am quite fond of you, yes,” the angel said, and Dean hid a smile at the tilted head and expression of befuddlement on his angels face. Hearing Sam snicker he glanced at his brother who was typing away on his laptop.

“I think I used to dream about an angel,” he said softly, but as both Castiel and Sam’s faces whipped around to him, he knew he was heard loud and clear. The angel’s face had taken on a rather pinched look, but his eyes looked interested.

He sat up and tried to explain to them, “It started about two years after she died… so I was about six. When they first started it was white and there was something with me. But it didn’t want to hurt me, just it seemed happy to meet me? He told me stories about…. Well, about his brothers and sisters. He liked to talk to me about the Angel of Thursday and God‘s Messenger.” Dean paused and frowned at Cas who seemed to jerk in shock and Sam who seemed to be hiding a smile. “He never mentioned anyone by name. But he was nice, and he hugged me. And I ‘saw’ him a few times.”

Dean knew this last piece of information would shock both his listeners, and he was correct. He looked down and ran a finger along the edge of the faded comforter he was sitting on.

“What did… he… look like?” Castiel’s voice held an odd quality to it and Dean wasn’t sure how to take it so he ignored it.

Eyebrows drawn together Dean tried to put it into words, and was finding it extremely hard.

“It was like looking into the sun, so bright that it…it didn’t hurt but it itched. And it was warm, like it wrapped around you and made you happy. He had all the colors I could ever imagine inside of him too.”

Dean frowned, he was starting to sound more like a chick flick every moment, but he felt he needed to tell Castiel these things. He glanced up at the angel and then at his brother.

“There is more you do not know how to say?” Castiel’s voice was gravelly and sent a shiver down his spine.

“I had wings….” Dean glanced down when Sam snorted. “They weren’t white but were dark. A royal blue on the tops that faded down into a deep twilight. And he, the angel, taught me how to fly. It was -”

“An Abomination!” Cas’s gravelly voice cut him off harshly, “Human kind isn’t worthy of our wings. Isn’t worthy to fly! Especially you Dean Winchester who doesn’t even have the slightest bit of faith! You who started the apocalypse.”

Dean started at the angel in shock, feeling like he’d been punched. Castiel’s hands were balled into fists and his eyes were angry. There was something else in his eyes, but Dean had no idea what it was.

“Cas?”

“You who could not even hear my voice and hid from me. You do not deserve to fly with us.” And he was gone.

Dean stared at the spot in horror, that had been a little more then the reaction he was expecting. But for his angel to call him an abomination, his heart sank. He should have known…. He shouldn’t have let the angel convince him he was worth anything in the first place.

He vaguely wondered if he was in shock as the bed sank down and Sammy’s arms came around him. So the angel finally realized what Dean had been telling him the whole time. He was worthless and he definitely wasn’t worth Castiel losing his grace over. He pressed his face into his brother’s shoulder and realized he was shaking.

They were on their own again, and this time everything seemed so pointless. He shouldn’t have opened his big fat mouth, then at least he would still believe the lies Castiel had told him so easily. He wound his arms around his baby brother and held on, Sammy was the only thing left.

“Dean, he didn’t mean it. You know that, Castiel adores you.” Sam quietly tried to reason with his brother. But the damage was done; he’d seen the look on Dean’s face as Castiel ranted. It was like the angel had ripped out what little light and happiness that was left in him and threw it into the dust.

“S’ok Sammy. Been trying to tell Cas from the beginning that I wasn’t worth it. I guess he knows now.” Dean frowned, he felt numb and actually kind of tired. He snuggled into his brother; right now he needed that feeling. Someone touching him and loving him even if he was an abomination.

“Sammy, you still love me right?” He was ashamed to admit his voice sounded tiny and weak.  
“Yeah De, I love you for always. You know that,” Sam whispered; Dean was definitely in shock. “Go to sleep Dean, I’ll watch out for you and make sure everything is ok.” And kick a certain angel’s ass, he added mentally.

 

***  
He snuggled into whoever was holding him, it wasn’t Sammy he knew that. The warmth that wrapped around him so completely was so reminiscent of that from his dreams, but not the same.

He sighed and pouted as the presence started retreating and then the previous days events came back to him. Cas, his angel, had called him an abomination. All warm feelings deserted him and he reached for whoever was with him.

As a hand settled on his forehead he was almost sure he heard the Trickster’s voice whisper to him before he fell asleep again.


	2. Chapter 2

Things had gotten really fucked up lately. More than usual, on top of that Castiel hadn’t been back. At first things had been ok, besides Dean being scary numb and emotionless, but Sammy expected that.

What he hadn’t expected was Dean to be even more careless with his life than before, but that is sure as hell what seemed to be happening. What was a bit strange was, his brother hadn’t been hurt besides bruises at all recently. It was like Dean had some sort of force field around him. He’d suspected Cas but Dean had claimed the angel was avoiding them.

He sent up another quick thank you to whoever or whatever was protecting his brother as Dean plopped down on his motel bed, yanking off his shirt showing barely a bruise. But since that day two weeks ago Dean just seemed to have shut down with him completely.

Sighing, he grabbed the Impala keys, “I’m gonna get something to eat Dean, you hungry?”

Dean grunted a short yes, and watched as his brother left before quickly shimmying out of his pants too, sitting in his boxers in front of the air conditioning. That had been the first thing that tipped him off to something going on. He was hot all the time. Not just hot, but Sammy could feel the heat through his skin.

At first he’d thought he was cursed but after nothing else seemed to go wrong he forgot about that, the heat wasn’t hurting him. It was just annoying.

Of course he hadn’t mentioned to his brother the lights he was seeing, because that was a bit much even for them. He wasn’t sure when that had started, but it had been going on for a few months now, a lot longer than his hot spell.

It hadn’t been as noticeable as the heat at first either. They’d been in a bar and he’d glanced up and for a moment the air around the waitress seemed to shimmer. There’d been a beautiful pink light around her, but when he’d blinked it was gone.

It had continued happening at the strangest times. It wasn’t a regular thing at all; he’d done some googling but all he’d come up with was seeing people auras. Which sounded like bogus shit to him.

He was pulled from his thoughts as Sammy slammed back into the room, bags in hand, and he grinned getting a whiff of appie.

“Sammy, do I smell pie?” he asked with a smile that probably didn’t reach his eyes.

Sam sighed, rolling his eyes, but pulled out the two pieces of pie. He couldn’t help it but even seeing a half assed smile on his brother’s face was worth the wait and the flirting that had gone into getting the last two pieces for his brother.

“You gonna be ready to head out tomorrow?” he asked his brother softly, watching Dean tear into the pie.

“Course I am, bitch. Why wouldn’t I?”

Sam shook his head and inwardly frowned; looked like once again they would be playing the ‘pretend everything is fine game’.

“Whatever, jerk.”

 

***

He sighed wiping the wetness off the mirror; this last hunt had been hell. He wasn’t entirely sure why he and Sammy were hunting demonic omens when they had no fucking direction. They were currently just trying to stay alive until Cas found God….if he was even still looking.

This time a fucking Bone Eater of all things had flung him into a wall until Sammy had toasted its damn power source. All he had now was a sore as hell back, which even the hot shower hadn’t helped.

It wasn’t his fault he’d been distracted; that thing had just reeked of evil, so much so Dean had almost been able to taste it. Hell, he was sure for a moment he’d seen it. A dark billowy mist had encompassed the monster.

He hissed and jerked away from the mirror, yanking a clean shirt over his head. Fuck it…. He was losing his mind….again.

Yanking up his jeans, he went to open the door but paused a minute and hearing nothing, he yanked the door open to find Sammy sitting on his bed laptop in his lap.

“You ok, Sammy?” he muttered watching his brother closely. As his brother nodded, he inspected Sammy’s light. It was still a pale sickly green tinged with red. Satisfied he was telling the truth he flopped onto the bed and groaned in pain as his back was jarred.

“Dean?”

“Damn, that fucker got my back good.” Dean moaned and allowed himself to be manhandled as his brother yanked up his shirt to inspect his back.

“Nothing’s there dude, not even a bruise.” Sam poked at his brother’s back gently, frowning when he got a whimper for his effort. “Must be deep tissue bruising, you’ll be sore for a week or two if so.”

Dean grunted and shoved his brother a bit. “Any word from Cas?” he asked, trying to keep the hope out of his voice.

At his brother’s headshake his heart sunk. He really could use his angel right about now. The lights he was seeing were really freaking him out, he’d been googling and it looked like he was seeing auras. But that had freaked him out more, because if Sammy’s ‘gifts’ came from demons… where the hell did he get his from? And that very thought is what scared him shitless; he was a fucking freak.

Rolling over he shut off the light next to his bed, and drifted into his thoughts. The colors were useful sometimes though, it seemed everyone had a different jumble of colors around them and certain ones meant certain things. He still wasn’t sure what the people who had pure white lights meant though. He’d only seen two of them.

Grasping for his phone he sent a quick text to Cas; he’d not tried to contact the angel since the blowup but he missed him.

Hey Cas you alive?

Stretching out on his stomach to avoid his sore back he drifted off to sleep.


	3. In which we find things are clusterfucked

Dean stuck his head out of the bathroom and listened to the ending of Sammy’s phone call. His brother’s colors were tinged with a dark purple signaling he was upset.

“Everything ok, Sammy?” he asked when his brother clicked his phone shut.

Sam frowned and shook his head a bit, “Cas wants us to head to Bobby’s. He said something weird is going on.”

Dean felt his heart drop again, putting the thoughts of reconciling with his angel away. Seemed Cas still wanted nothing to do with him.

“Did he say what.”

At his brother’s exasperated expression he grinned a bit. Yeah it was Cas they were talking about. He watched as Sammy’s colors bled away and sighed, resisting the urge to rub his eyes again.

He still hadn’t spilled the beans about the things he had been seeing, and he’d realized it extended past colors. Sometimes he caught a glimpse of a Reaper or a Spirit. His back still fucking hurt too. He was sure Cas would know what was going on with him but he hadn’t seen the angel at all.

Reaching up he rubbed at his back, quickly dropping it as his brother eyed him curiously. He shrugged a shoulder, he’d had a lot worse. He also had finally accepted the fact that it seemed like he was a freak like his brother.

Grumbling he tugged on his shirt and began tossing things into his duffle; if Cas wanted them he could fucking find them himself. He wasn’t going to follow the douche bag around. Besides, they still had a hunt to wrap up here.

“Cas can wait, c’mon Sammy. Things to hunt and bones to burn.”

Without glancing back at Sammy he threw his duffle over his shoulder and headed out to the Impala.

 

***

He yelled out hoarsely as he was thrown back into the metal beam, the simple salt and burn and haunting had turned to hell. Instead he was face to face with a demon and no idea where Sammy was.

It was strange but his freakishness had come into play perfectly, as soon as he'd seen the girl appear in the doorway he'd immediately known that she was not a she but an it. Not only was the aura blackest black but there was just a horrible sense of wrongness in the air.

They'd tussled a good 10 minutes and he was getting exhausted; he'd drawn blood and had it drawn from him. Nothing life threatening but fuck was it getting annoying. His breathe caught in his throat as he was grabbed by the neck and shoved roughly back into the wall, his already sore back smacking painfully into the wall.

He shuddered and without another thought began to chant the exorcism he now knew by heart, for some reason it felt more powerful then usual and as he shoved the demon away roughly he swore he saw the a momentary falter.

He quickly shoved the demon up against the wall, pinning it there and staring into the dark eyes as he finished the exorcism and then grinned triumphantly as the demon erupted from the poor girl it was possessing in a burst of smoke and screaming.

Staggering to the floor he pressed his fingers to her neck, breathing out a sigh of relief when he felt a strong pulse beneath his finger tips. He sighed and arched his back, hissing in pain as his back screamed in agony.

Glancing up he was relieved when Sammy burst into the room, gun ready.

"Got the spook Sammy?"

Sam nodded and hoisted his brother up to his feet next to him, arm around his shoulders.

"Dean? What happened?"

"Demon, tried to grab me Sammy. Dunno why. It was quiet about the whole thing. Said I was 'special' and it wanted me to take a trip with it."

Dean sighed roughly and slumped against his brother. He was in agony and the room was spinning; suddenly he was burning up again. He had a vague thought but as the floor rose up to meet him it was replaced by blackness.

He was floating in warmth and light, he purred lowly as someone stroked his hair softly and hummed to him. He whimpered and buried his face further into the softness he was nestled in as a hand gently ran down his pained back putting all the soreness at ease.

For the first time in a long time he felt relaxed and at ease and peaceful and he felt his body release tension he hadn't known had built up. The hand was gentle on his back, soothing the nonstop ache and as whoever was with him started singing gently he let himself drif back to sleep.

 

\---

He stretched, sighing in relief as he was met with none of the usual pain he'd been experiencing lately. Slowly opening his eyes he was met with the site of Bobby's guest room. He groaned and rolled over; he could just imagine Sammy freaking the hell out and driving like a bat out of hell to get him to what he thought was safety.

Groaning he rolled out of bed and to his feet, not bothering to even put on clean clothes he shuffled to the stairs and down towards the kitchen. He paused in the doorway watching Sam fuss with his food and flinched when Cas's blue eyes snapped to meet his gaze.  
He dropped his gaze; he'd missed his friend at the same time as being so hurt by him.

"Hey, Castiel," he muttered softly, shuffling in to flop down into a chair refusing to look at the angel whom he used to call a friend.

"Dean, I wish to express my apologies." Cas's voice was rough and Dean closed his eyes tightly before opening them and looking at his friend. His breath caught in his throat at what he saw. The light surrounding the angel's vessel was whiter then any snowfall he'd ever seen and seemed to pulse and Cas… his eyes… seemed deeper somehow. So old.

"Dean?"

He snapped from his thoughts and shook his head, noticing both Cas and Sammy were looking at him weirdly.

"Sure, Cas.... I forgive you." he muttered, trying not to look at the angel again. He felt pretty good though, better then he had for a while. "Do you know what's wrong with me?"

Cas tilted his head and Dean kicked himself for asking when the angel looked at him like he was speaking in tongues. He stood to go take a shower, not sure how to take the apology, his feelings, and how the angel looked.

"There is nothing wrong with you Dean," the angel said to his back. Dean rolled his eyes and shot a dirty look to Sammy warning the little shit not to say anything, and headed up to take a shower. If the angel wanted to play stupid then he'd pretend everything was fine and try not to let everything get to him.


	4. Trying to Forgive Again

    Dean shuffled around the kitchen making a sandwich. Cass had been gone when he’d come back down after his shower and he was grateful for it. He wondered how he could talk Sammy into hanging out here at Bobby’s a while. He actually felt safe here. Which was not something he was used to, and with how everything in his life was spinning out of control he kind of wanted to stay nearby.

    Humming softly, he turned and was shocked to run smack into Cass. He jerked back when colors swirled around him. He heard the rustling of wings and his head was buzzing. He pulled himself away from his friend --ex friend actually-- and jerked away from him.

    “Dean, I do not understand what is happening to you.

    Dean sunk down into a chair, his head was throbbing and when his angel’s hand closed over his arm the pain in his back became unbearable and everything went dark.

\---

    Dean stretched his wings out; the other was with him, behind him. Turning he smiled at the glowing being, “I know you?”

    A hand stroked down his face gently and the warmth and love surrounded him. This one, whoever he was, was the one who’d been singing to him before.

    “You do know me Dean, or rather, I know you and you sort of know me.”

     As the angel stretched his wings, Dean did the same, whining low in his throat as the muscles pulled nicely. The angel reached out and gently stroked a hand down his wings. He shuddered. Oh that felt so nice.

    He turned and tugged gently at the other’s wings, “Please, tell me who you are? What’s your name at least?”

    He watched as the angel’s wings drooped. The gorgeous golden feathers of his wings going limp. He reached out to the other.

    “I will, after we fly. I want you to fly with me little one.” And the angel took to the sky in a beautiful flash of color and gold.

    With a grin Dean followed, flying for the first time in years. It felt… amazing…. He realized as he dove and swooped with the angel that he felt comfortable and he hoped it would last. Something about his new friend though, was bothering him and he wasn’t even sure what.

    He dove suddenly at the angel and they tumbled through the sky and he laughed in triumph. This place, his dreams, was the only place he ever felt so free and so open.

    He was surprised to find himself on his front on the ground as the angel plowed him over; the hands began to run through his feathers. He had no idea what the angel was doing but it felt nice… really nice.

    “Why do I have wings ‘n what are you doing?” Dean muttered to the being sitting on his thighs and stroking his feathers.

    A soft laughed echoed around, “I don’t know why you have wings, but they are beautiful.” He paused and Dean felt those fingers stroke his feathers again. It was like an itch he didn’t know he had being scratched. It was a heavenly feeling. His angel continued, his voice deeper than it had been, “I’m grooming you. It’s supposed to only be done between mates, but your feathers are matted and gnarled Dean-o, you need them groomed. Otherwise, the kinks will become painful and you’ll need help with them.”

   Dean had felt something inside of him freeze at the nickname ‘Dean-o’ the only thing that kept him from jumping up and hitting the other was the fact that he still felt safe. He felt taken care of… he felt loved. So surely this wasn’t who he was suspecting it was.

   The angel continued to groom his feathers and as always in these dreams, the feeling of love and safety started wearing him down. It didn’t help that the angel was singing the same lullaby he had numerous times before.

   “May you bring love and may you bring happiness. Be loved in return till the end of your days. Now fall off to sleep, I’m not meaning to keep you. I’ll just sit for a while and sing loo-lee lai lay.”

   He felt himself relax. This presence had been in his dreams for weeks, there was no way it was Gabriel. He trusted this angel, which was something he’d never thought he’d say about anyone other than Cass.

   “Who are you?” He asked tiredly. And felt more then heard the soft mournful sigh.

   “You know who I am Dean-o.”

\---

     Dean jerked out of his sleep, swearing loudly. No! It couldn’t be Gabriel! He refused to believe it! The fucking trickster could not be the one he felt so safe with. He pressed his palms to his eyes. Fuck, all he dealt with day in and day out was bullshit and lying fucking angels.

    He sat up and almost tumbled out of bed by the extra weight, eyes wide he turned to confirm his suspicions.

   “Son of a bitch!” He yelled loudly. His wings from his dream were now on his person. Glancing up he watched as Sammy rushed into the room. He waited for Cass to appear…. And was surprised when his friend didn’t show himself.

    “You’re up! Dean, holy shit! Do you feel ok?”

     He growled when Sammy shoved a hand against his forehead.

     “I’m fine! Where the fuck is Cass?!” He felt betrayed, not only by the angel he thought had been his friend in his dream but once more by Castiel.

     Sam shuffled slightly, “He left, as soon as he saw you were sleeping. Dude, I think the wings freaked him out a bit.”

     Dean growled and threw his pillow at the door. He wished he’d never heard of the fucking angels. Or Castiel. Or the fucking Trickster. He really was just a vessel to all of them. No one cared about him.

    He slumped down, his wings curling around his body slightly. At the soft sound of rustling feathers he glanced up to see Cass appear.

    “Cass!! You left me!” He couldn’t stop the words from tearing out of his mouth.

    His friend approached slowly, trailing a hand down the wing closest to him, “I am sorry Dean…. I was taken by surprise.”

   “Because I’m an abomination, a freak.” Dean’s voice was tiny and broken. He’d heard this all before. He was shocked when Cass yanked him to his feet.

    His friend glowed in anger. Deep red and striking, his blue eyes were piercing.

    “You are not an abomination! I spoke out of fear and I apologized!” Cass’s voice was ringing in a way that Dean suspected was partially his true voice.

    He sighed and stepped away from his angel, “Cass, this kind of stuff can’t just be fixed. You… you made all my nightmares a reality. You told me I was worthless.”

    He looked up, and saw a stricken expression on his friends face and hurried to continue, “I will forgive you Cass. We just…” he looked down. He couldn’t tell his friend it would take time, because he no longer trusted his angel. But at the soft exhale of breath he glanced up again and he knew Castiel had picked up on it.

    “I will prove to you that I can be your friend Dean. I promise you this.”

    Dean grinned a bit at the promise. It was stated so factually he knew it was true. He gestured behind his back.

   “Can you help me with these at least?”


End file.
